


Guilty on the Run

by rowanoak



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 13:58:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20908799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowanoak/pseuds/rowanoak
Summary: Villanelle seeks out Eve after the events of the Season 2 finale.





	Guilty on the Run

**Author's Note:**

> Trying to figure out how the hell to write Villanelle.

When you told Eve you loved her and she rebuked you, it hurt like nothing you have ever experienced. It hurt more than the time you broke your leg jumping from the second story of a flat that you had just completed a job in. It hurt more than the time you got shot when you were careless while stalking a particularly paranoid target. And it certainly hurt more than the time she stabbed you.

You’ll be the first to admit that shooting her might have been an overreaction…but hey, your relationship with Eve is just an endless cycle of hurting each other. The gunshot was practically a love-tap anyways. You made sure to aim in a spot that would heal easily and not cause her any (major) lasting damage.

Thinking about how she was so sure that you don’t love her ignites a fire in your belly. How can she be sure of your feelings? Half of the time your own emotions are so insignificant you can barely feel them, but you’re sure you love Eve. You love her more than you ever loved Anna; you feel more for her than any woman you have ever been with, and you’ve never even _been_ with Eve.

The fact that you haven’t had sex with Eve yet, but you’re already head over heels for her kind of pisses you off. She has such a command over you that you almost wish you could kill her just to get some freedom back. You won’t kill her, but sometimes you think about how it might make you feel to do so. Would you be sad? Would you feel the adrenaline you get from a normal kill or would it be soul wrenching for the woman you care about to be gone? It’s an interesting topic; you can’t predict how you would react.

Calling Carolyn Martens is not something you ever pictured yourself doing. It’s been eight days since you left Eve bleeding out in Italy. Carolyn picks up the phone and waits in silence for you to speak, like she knows exactly who is calling.

“How is she?” you ask. You keep your voice even and devoid of emotion.

“She’s doing just fine. We picked her up after you discarded her in that sorry state.”

Carolyn really gets on your fucking nerves.

“I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me where to find her.” It’s more of a statement than a question. Carolyn definitely isn’t going to tell you what safe house she’s keeping Eve in.

“Obviously not, Villanelle. You can do a little leg-work and locate her, I’m sure, but I’m not going to make it that easy for you.” You hear her scoff at you over the phone and you roll your eyes.

It takes you 36 hours to find where Eve is being kept. She’s in an apartment in the Belgian town of Lier. You haven’t been to Lier before, this could become a small vacation for you. As you board the plane that will take you from France to Belgium, you feel a nervousness build up in your chest. Eve will probably be displeased to see you. You hope that she’ll get over it quickly. It’s not like you killed her. Plus, she deserved repercussions for the ugly stab wound she gifted you with some time ago.

You hadn’t originally planned on paying Eve back for the stab wound. After the initial shock and pain wore off, you all but swooned at the thought of Eve caring enough to stab you violently in the stomach. You remember the look of fear in her eyes as she straddled you with the knife plunged guard-deep inside of you. If it hadn’t hurt so fucking bad you would have definitely been turned on.

As you sit on the plane you run two fingers over the uneven skin on your stomach where the knife had been, and you wonder if Eve will feel the same way about the scar you’ve given her. You shut your eyes tight as you think about the look on Eve’s face in the minutes before you shot her, when she realized that you could have shot Raymond. An unfamiliar ache blooms in your heart.

When you arrive in Lier you immediately drop your things off at the AirBnB you found online and wait for the cover of night to walk to where Eve is staying. It is 2:00am when you hoist yourself up onto the ledge of the second story window. You look inside of the slightly fogged pane and see a figure covered in a large woolen blanket laid in a full-sized bed. The figure has their back to you but you’re sure it’s Eve. You would know her body anywhere.

Slowly you lift the window open and slip inside. You drop to the ground with a quiet thud. If the bodyguards posted outside of Eve’s door hear you in her room they won’t hesitate to blow your head off. You figured Eve would not appreciate it if you entered through the front door and slaughtered the guards there meant to protect her.

You creep around to the empty side of the bed and look down on Eve. Her face is pale and her dark hair is a mess, but she’s in a deep sleep. She looks peaceful. You imagine they have her doped up on plenty of pain medications to assist her sleeping. You sit down on the edge of the bed and watch her for a minute and then you lay back next to her, on top of the covers.

She shifts in her sleep and her nose crinkles, but she does not wake. You suck in a deep breath and look up at the ceiling, studying the small cracks and signs of age. Now that you’re in Eve’s presence again, you know the answer to your earlier question. You could never kill Eve and live with yourself after.

“I wish we could stop hurting each other” you whisper quietly, and mostly to yourself.

You think you can see yourself living in a domestic setting with Eve. She would get home from work and you would have cooked something delicious, and you would have amazing sex afterwards. She could watch movies with you that you have never seen before, and you could make fun of her for having bad taste in TV shows.

Glancing back down at Eve, you see that she is staring at you through half-lids. Her pupils are heavily dilated and you know she is not completely lucid. You wait for a reaction, but nothing comes. Eve just slowly blinks her brown doe-eyes at you.

She closes her eyes and shifts closer to you, slightly wincing in pain as she moves. Her hand cups your cheek and she buries her forehead into your shoulder, cuddling up to you softly. You wish so badly that she was not incoherent and high on pain medications, and that this was a conscious and sober reaction to seeing you.

The regular non-medicated and sleep ridden Eve would most likely punch you in the nose. Or she would call you hurtful names, like “psychopath.” Right now, you’ll take any closeness from Eve that you can get. As you lay there in the darkness with Eve pressed to your side, you feel something that you’ve never felt before. You feel guilt. And it hurts more than anything you’ve ever felt.


End file.
